Mornin’. We are late. Alarm said “snooze,”[1] brain said “five more,” and now the clock is yelling. Keys in one paw, coffee in the other, sprint to the car like it’s the Olympics for Tired People. Seatbelt click. Deep sigh and then join the river of brake lights.
Every light turns red just for us. GPS, Global Pawsitioning System, says “faster route available,” which is a lie and also a trap. Radio plays the same song three times because time is a circle. Construction cones appear out of nowhere. The turn we need? Blocked. The one we don’t? Wide open and mocking.
Phone pings with our boss asking “ETA?” We reply with the ancient chant: “On my way.” Zoomies speed[2] slows to a crawl. Someone going 12 in a 40 has chosen us as their character development.
Finally, parking. Three-point turn becomes 30-point interpretive dance. Nailed it. Power-walk to the door, juggling bag, catfee, and dignity. Badge goes beep and then we face the elevator stare. Doors open. The desk greets us like a judgmental cat.[3] We settle, breathe, and pretend we meant to arrive exactly this frazzled.
Email loads. Calendar screams. We sip lukewarm coffee and whisper the daily mantra: “We will survive until lunch.”
Is your inbox feline too professional? Add some cats falling off counters. Subscribe here![4]
References
- ^ Alarm said “snooze,” (cheezburger.com)
- ^ Zoomies speed (cheezburger.com)
- ^ judgmental cat. (cheezburger.com)
- ^ Is your inbox feline too professional? Add some cats falling off counters. Subscribe here! (icanhascheezburger.beehiiv.com)