Toby and Anton in Conversation

Toby^[1], 15, and Anton^[2], 12, make me laugh 100 times a day. Ever since they learned to talk^[3], they’ve been surprising me with their hot takes and hilarious slang. Here are a few things they — and their friends — have busted out with lately…

Anton, to me at the grocery store: “Bro, this is tomato juice and clam broth. It’s like, uhhh, thanks for the opportunity.”

Anton: “This kinetic sand smells so bad.”
Friend: “Omg you know what it smells like?”
Anton: “What?”
Friend: “Something really bad.”

Friend: “School lunch is so bad.”
Toby: “The worst.”
His friend: “It will just be a yellow blob. Is it meat? Is it potatoes? Like, I need to know the CATEGORY.”

A text to my parents, above.

Anton, while studying myths: “Greek myths are like, we ate dinner and we did something bad. We ate dinner again and we did something baaaaaaadddd.”

Anton, from the bathroom: “I’m doing the best hand wash ever!”
Me: “What makes it great?”
Anton: “It’s just tuff.”

Anton styling Toby at a store. My heart.

My little friend showing me her funny face.

At our block party this weekend, a teenage girl told me she was trying to wear roller skates for 24 hours. “Is it a kind of fundraiser?” I asked her. “No, just a personal challenge,” she said. She had 14 hours left and, although her feet hurt, she felt confident she’d make it: “I basically just have to sleep in them and I’m done.”

Toby, after babysitting for two hours: “Mom, you have no idea how exhausting taking care of kids is.”
Me: “Yeah……totally.”

What cute or funny things have the kids in your life said or done lately? And what kinds of things enchant them^[4]?

P.S. More kids in conversation^[5], and how to talk to kids about sex^[6], periods^[7], death^[8], consent^[9] and everything else^[10].